Monday, September 7, 2009

Dear ____________,

Dear ______,

I appreciate that you ask me how my mom is doing. I appreciate that you have not forgotten. That you have an interest. That you care. But please be forewarned - if you ask, I will be honest. I will try to make it brief, unless you invite a longer conversation, but I'm not going to sugar coat my reply to make things less uncomfortable for you. For me, it's always uncomfortable, but that is a daily fact of life for me now. The invisible wall is down. I tell it like it is. So, if you ask, please be sure that you are prepared for my honest answer. If you are not prepared for that, then please, don't ask. I don't want you to be made uncomfortable unless you are inviting the intrusion.



  1. When you're already dealing with the experience of caring for a family member, the last thing you should have to spend energy on is blowing sunshine up other people's a*ses to make them feel better :) You have more important things to spend your energy on for sure...

  2. I'm lucky.
    I see the same people who know the full story without the sugar coating on a daily basis. When they ask me, they know what they're getting.

    "blowing sunshine up other people's a*ses to make them feel better" HA! Katy! That is some funny stuff!

  3. This whole situation cannot be easy and all of us reading are learning so much. Really, thank you for your special insight.

    This blog is fantastic (and writing is stellar, by the way!) I think because of your honesty....

    Always hoping for the best for your mom.

  4. (Side note...I used to have an elderly gay man in SF who I cleaned house for. He had been quite a community and sexual pioneer in his day. Well one day I used that phrase about "blowing sunshine" when I was talking to him and he just about died laughing and said "in all my life as a gay man, I have heard of all manner of things up people's bums, but never that!"...picture this coming from an 80-year old...and apologies for the crass commentary on your otherwise lovely blog...oh wait, the topic is "not sugar-coating" well I just succeeded there...)