Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I'm having a moment

Indulge me. Please.

I am having a moment.

Been having this moment for the last couple of days (really longer than that, but the last couple have been the roughest). The more we do positive things for Dolly, the more she fights us. She is completely against the private caregiver we hired for her, she screamed at me for about 10 minutes today about it. She is not afraid to voice her opinion. She will yell into the phone "I don't want it! I don't need it!" over and over again. I can do nothing but remain silent during these tantrums, and let them run their course. I reason with her, asking her if she would rather stare at the wall than have someone come and interact with her. She keeps saying that she doesn't know why she can't go home. She is blaming us for not being able to go home. All her roommates go home, why can't she?

I break it down for her...repeatedly. It's the little things Mom...transferring, making a phone call...acknowledging your right side...being aware of your surroundings. But she still doesn't get it. I'm not sure she ever will 'get it'.

Tonight we had an argument on the phone about all of the above, and a very key reason why she can't go 'home'. Her home is not wheelchair accessible. This is not the reason, but it is a valid reason, so I offered it. Her doorways are not wide enough, her bathroom is tiny and would need serious renovations, as well as the stairs to get up to her floor, we would need ramps. She told me in all seriousness that she could use the cellar door. I was taken aback for a minute since I thought we were having a lucid yell fest, but she was completely serious. She said that the stairs from the cellar are easy stairs, she can manage them with a walker.

I spoke to her at 10pm tonight. She still had her dentures in. I can hear the difference in her speech when she has them in and when they are out. She has lied to me before telling me that they are out when in fact they are still in (at 11pm, 12am). I question the fibs, but always let it slide. She insists that they are out when they are not out. Tonight she fessed up. She wanted to please me by calling for an aide to help her with her teeth while I was on the phone with her, it took her 10 minutes and phone coaching to find her call button.

After the lashing I got about the private caregiver, the reasoning about why she can't go home right now, and the total reality check I tried to give her about how she is really not doing as good as she thinks she is, I made her laugh. I told her "the next time I talk to you late at night and you still have your teeth in, I'm going to put a sign above your bed that says 'I WEAR DENTURES...PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE OUT AND CLEANED BEFORE I GO TO BED, THANK YOU'". She laughed and laughed. I was NOT kidding.


  1. Oy vey...

    Oy. Vey.

    I'd be having a moment too :)

  2. This is so hard for you guys. I am sorry. She reminds me of Katie my 15 old niece. Too stubborn for their own good

  3. oh Nancy! and all of you. ((Hugs))

  4. That is EXACTLY how it is. THANKS for posting this.

  5. you have every right to be having a moment. I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you all. You know you can call me at anytime if you need to vent!

  6. {{{Hugs}}} for you and all of your family.