Saturday, March 20, 2010

Total Rant. Sorry.

I am cross posting this from my own blog because it is relevant.

I have not been so chatty lately. I am ashamed, since I really want my blog to stay current which it totally has not been. It's been a really tough year for me. In fact, before a week ago, I was only making stuff when it was requested of me. I have been totally non-creative...only fulfilling special requests, which never ceased (thanks to my loyal customers!). A little over a week ago, I got into my studio once again and have produced two very new, very rivety pendants which I had an incredibly joyous time producing. I believe I am back in the saddle so to speak. Yay!

My mother, as most of you know, had a very massive stroke last May, and is my child now. I am responsible for her, and that has put a huge ugly damper in my creative life. I feel like my imagination and drive was just pulled out from under me when I was appointed her Health Care Proxy and her Durable Power of Attorney, and my job as both has been very 'hands-on' and frequent. I would not wish this on anyone...I'm just being truthful here.

Mom is not getting better, and it's become harder and harder to deal with it on my end...the sane end. In fact, she is getting progressively worse. She doesn't try. She is stagnant. She is happy in her stagnancy. But she remains bright in other ways. She loves to eat and she loves to gossip. She is only interested in everyone else's business, not her own, which is very difficult to understand if you are an outsider. I do not even have a good click with the social worker at the nursing home because I can't explain my mothers behavior in social worker terms. She is an enigma. She has always had social issues. She has always been more interested in knowing everybody else's business than dealing with her own. This practice is more apparent to me now than ever before. She is paralyzed on her entire right side, but the paralyzation is not what keeps her back. It is the fact that she does not pay attention at all to that side of her body, but she knows everything about everyone in the nursing home. It is frustrating. What makes a person remember something frivolous and not something important? Why does one woman know every little detail about her surroundings, but does not remember the right side of her OWN body?

Scott and I took her and her friend Marion out to the deck today to soak in some sun. It was pleasant. I have learned how to have a nice visit. I do not expect anything from her anymore. I consider her my child now. She is a brilliant toddler.

I am so happy to be back at the bench and making stuff. I just got another order today. I apologize once again for my absence, and I hope to never leave you for this long again. It's so hard to write when there is nothing positive to write about.

Sorry for the rant.


  1. Honey, it's a hard road. I could say a lot more but not here. My dad had Alzheimer's for 6 years - You remember the person they were, struggle to be with the person they are now.

    Go into your studio every day, even if all you do is to sit. It is your place.

  2. Mmmmm. Not much to say but...moving post.